Many people are frequently contacting me for CSE preparation for themselves or their wards. All have only one demand – 1st ATTEMPT TOP RANK. Though I respect their zeal and positive bend of mind, but still I want to say “HOLD ONNNNN. Game is not so easy friend. Think twice before you move in this spiral of CSE !”
On the other hand, I get calls and messages from already struggling and yet-to-pass aspirants who share their painful stories and desperation to succeed like me. I respect them much more and wish that they actually do it someday, perhaps much better than me. But still I say, “HOLD ONNNN. You are not alone who are struggling. Look around seriously, you will find much worse struggling yet always smiling faces. Just keep going. DON’T COUNT YOUR FAILURES, MAKE YOUR FAILURES COUNT some day !”
For both of these category people, here is MY STORY. MY STORY of all wins and loses of last 6 years. Or to correct myself – my story of all loses and one win of last 6 years !
Journey began on 31st May 2013, when I reached Delhi first time for preparation of CSE, just three days after my final graduation exam.
Summary of Failures in last 6 years, I have seen before my Final selection in CSE 2018:
1. CSE 2014 – Failed at Mains stage.
2. CSE 2015 – Failed at Mains stage.
3. CSE 2016 – Failed at Interview stage.
4. CSE 2017 – Failed at Interview stage.
5. Failed SSC CGL 3 times (all at 2nd/3rd stage)
6. Failed RRB NTPC (Despite being able to reach in Top 50 in my region out of 36 lakh+ candidates- only 8 posts of my liking. Didn’t want to waste someone else job for my ego satisfaction.)
7. Failed RBI Grade B twice.
8. Failed NABARD Manger exam.
9. Failed RAS.
10. Failed HCS at mains stage.
11. Failed DDA exam twice.
12. Failed Engineering post exams multiple times.
13. Failed CAPF AC despite qualifying it in paper with good margin. (One eye vision was not at par with medical standard that time.)
14. Failed IB ACIO twice.
15. Failed EPFO APFC Exam.
16. Failed EPFO EO Exam.
17. Failed NABARD AO twice.
18. Failed Excise inspector Haryana exam. (not reached in Document Verification as per schedule.)
19. Failed JEn Electronics exam in IUAC.
And the Failures continued … many more unable to recall now.. approximately 35+ exams of Grade B or Grade A level in total in last 6 years !
Most important fact- I qualified Prelims stage of 95%+ of these exams. But I was never ever able to get a formal Job Allocation letter having my name on it. (Even till today I don’t have any, but thanks UPSC credibility I know soon I will get one for sure.)
Another important fact – I failed most exams at margins sometimes as close as 0.66 marks. Sometimes even after being in reserve list. Sometimes even after clearing theory paper but failing medical standards. Sometimes even worse, failing because I didn’t know that Document Verification has been called for the exam I have qualified !
Finally on 5th April 2019 the draught of final success vanished. That’s too with one of the highest dream job ever – an All India Service directly appointed by honorable President of India himself ! Not only this today I have also qualified prelims exam of RAS+HCS+UPPCS which I thought year ago as my Backup of future !
What kept me motivated for so long ?
1. My always positive attitude. Somehow I evolved my self into a person who see everything in positive spirit only. So “failures failed to fail me.”
2. Fear of losing my maa g, before I get a final allocation letter in some good service (as she is a chronic heart patient).
The 2nd thing was a serious motivation as well as a serious fear together for me. For me time was a crucial asset. But somehow the asset didn’t end up. Thanks to Kanha g I was able to deliver my promise to my maa g timely. Thankyou Kanha g 🙂
I am sharing this journey with all of you to just show that struggle is a part of life. Big dreams cost big things and take long time to come true. If you want to make palace, it will definitely incur much more cost and labour along with long time to be ready for residing then ordinary homes.
And I remind you my journey is not at all painful (or not that painful !) comparing to some souls who have done it before me or going to do it in near future. This world is full of struggle stories, much much more awful, painful and inspiring than mine. I used to read such stories on multiple plateforms and that strengthened my resolve that some day I too will write my own story. Now is the day. And here is MY STORY in succinct:
” I dreamt of a Destination. I started walking towards it. I stumbled. I fell. I woke up. I saw why I fell. I learnt. I started walking again. I stumbled again. I woke up again. I saw why I fell again. I learnt again. I started walking once again. But I stumbled again… KISMAT keep repeating. I keep repeating. Destination reached. MEHNAT wins over KISMAT. I am happy. But now I dream again. I dare to fall again. I wish to rise again. I will learn again.. Waiting for the new journey…”
Moral of the MY STORY:
Don’t allow FAILURES TO FAIL YOU. LEARN FROM IT AND FIGHT BACK. क्योंकि कोशिश करने वालों की कभी हार नहीं होती. As Dashrath Manjhi in the movie said “भगवान के भरोसे मत बैठो… क्या पता भगवान हमारे भरोसे बैठा हो !” 😉
शुभरात्रि । फिर मिलेंगें ।
Vijay Sarswat urf Yo Yo Choti Singh
AIR 104, CSE 2018